I'm not feeling so great today even though I was not working. My nose is getting stuffier and my throat is drying up. This is not cool at all especially when I have to work for the rest of the weekend.
This whole entire week, my mind has been blown away from JJ. I can't stop thinking about him at all. Knowing that he's offshore and not sure if he's back on land yet, really haunting me. Do I want to call or sms him? I don't want to sound like a desperate woman but I do want to get to know him better. I am for real this time.
Maybe I should hang on to it till the weekend is over or something. Or maybe I should just wait till he calls me. I wasn't sure if he really want to see me again. Who knows, he might not want to see me again, right?
Z said that I would know to work out my charm in getting JJ. I know I will eventually, but it's really a matter of time. I don't want to scare him away, especially when he's my customer at work. Conflict of interest occurs.... :(
I really can't stop going back and forth to look at our text exchange. I regret that I've deleted his texts to me. I wish there's a recycle bin stores in my phone.
JJ ooo JJ.... when will you be back? I want to see you.... I miss you already!
Thursday, March 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Over exercising?
Going into my 4th week without rice, eating less and exercising, I am 5kg less!
Weight loss is a on-going battle that I have for myself. I realize that at the end of the day, I am the only one who loves myself more than anyone else. This is about time I do things for my own sake.
I've been waking up early and hit to the gym before going to work. This has become a routine that I enjoy to start my day with. Spending 45 minutes to an hour has given me a stress release. I am much happier and take things easier on myself. Why waking up and be mad at the world when you can wake up and have another day in life! Enjoy the day with smile.
This morning, it happened that I'm pretty tired. Yet, I managed to hit the treadmill for about 20 minutes. My leg muscle and whole body aches so much. My colleagues said I've over-exercise! I've never take this so serious before till now. It bothers me if I would eat more than usual and feel guilty by not going to exercise for a day.
I was partly disturbed by the blood donation center yesterday when they said my iron was too low to donate. My menstrual is around the corner and I believe it's part of it too. I can feel it's coming with my bloated stomach and exhaustion. Oh well, trouble for being a woman.
Tomorrow I hope will be a good day. This evening, I just want to sit back and relax. Dinner is not on the agenda, that's for sure.
Me: Hi, how is Bintulu treating you?
JJ: Hey, busy as usual... Going offshore early morning
Me: Offshore till when? It was pouring rain here. Anyhow, take care. Be safe. Good night. See u when u get back. :)
JJ: Will do, thanks.
JJ, I miss you already and I can't stop thinking about you. God, I hope that if he's the one for me that you planned. If not, don't let him break my heart. I don't want to be in tears.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
Butterflies
Indeed it had been a while that I have not felt butterflies in my stomach! (In a good way... :D) Looking back, I rarely had butterflies at all no matter who I am with. But this time, it was for real. Perhaps, I really nervous when I don't think that something like this is going to happen for real.
"Love is like a butterfly, it goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes.
Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush. Hold it too loose, it'll fly."
God has sent me an angel. He had made my day. Let's named him JJ. He is one of my customers at work who I had small talk and it leads to something more than that. It was purely 2 lonely and boring people who spent time together. No sex involved. I was opening my ears to JJ and heard his side of stories. He had been married for 7 years and have a daughter. One day, his wife returns home and requesting for a divorce. Reason being was she had an affair with a foreigner who promised her the sun and the moon. She took off to Aussie land with their daughter. He is still heartbroken till today. I can feel him as I had almost gone thru this but it's just that I do not have any children involved. Throughout the past 2 years, he had gone for 14 relationships but no one stay for long. I am sure there are a lot of reasons involved behind it. Yet, let's not forget that few months ago he had a motorcycle accident which lead him to insert a metal on his right leg. Now, he is having a slightly problem in walking and being active. Going to physio is his focus now instead of running on a marathon.
Flirting is always fun till it hits you that is that what I want and ask for? I text him on a personal side and wondering if he wants to catch up for lunch. Too bad, he had a lunch meeting to attend to. Though he asked for coffee outing, I am just not a coffee person. Surprisingly, he text me back the next day and this is where it all began.
March 23, 2012- JJ invited me to go to a Formula One concert. I was nervous and having butterflies for a few hours. I was happy and keep it to myself. Honestly, I have never felt that way for a while. Will you consider that as a date? It felt to me like 2 lonely persons going out together for the sake of boredom. We went for dinner and he sent me home. I noticed that he is quite an observer himself. JJ noticed that I was without my laptop bag and commenting on my Friday's outfit (tube dress with flip-flop). Come on, what you expect for a Friday! He was shaking his head with my attitude. When we were walking to the parking lot, I saw a friend whom I met in Florida. We keep updated ourselves on Facebook. I was shying away, but he encouraged me to go by and say hello. I did and catching up for a little while with the friend.
My observation on JJ was somehow I think it is most likely that he is such a lonely person. He keeps on his tweets and phones which annoyed me a bit. But then again, he is always by himself and it's an addiction to keep playing with the gadgets. I don't think anyone wants to be lonely all the time. I feel for him. He is a wise, smart, responsible man and like to advise from his observation. JJ is open minded and listen well too. More observation is on the way.......:)
Somehow, I didn't manage to get the job that I went in for interview last week. As my ex-colleague who was working there said, not that I am not good. But there are a few concerns such as not to interfere with the business relationship and she felt that I am good in marketing which I should be bored if I am desk-bound. Anyhow, I guess that's why I was not having such a high hope too. I didn't hurt so much when I wasn't selected as a candidate. Life must goes on too.
I should be happy with what I have. Live a simple and happy life. Life beyond my means. God has its plans all layout for me. Will JJ be a heart breaker or heart sealer? Stay tune for more........
"Love is like a butterfly, it goes where it pleases and it pleases wherever it goes.
Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush. Hold it too loose, it'll fly."
God has sent me an angel. He had made my day. Let's named him JJ. He is one of my customers at work who I had small talk and it leads to something more than that. It was purely 2 lonely and boring people who spent time together. No sex involved. I was opening my ears to JJ and heard his side of stories. He had been married for 7 years and have a daughter. One day, his wife returns home and requesting for a divorce. Reason being was she had an affair with a foreigner who promised her the sun and the moon. She took off to Aussie land with their daughter. He is still heartbroken till today. I can feel him as I had almost gone thru this but it's just that I do not have any children involved. Throughout the past 2 years, he had gone for 14 relationships but no one stay for long. I am sure there are a lot of reasons involved behind it. Yet, let's not forget that few months ago he had a motorcycle accident which lead him to insert a metal on his right leg. Now, he is having a slightly problem in walking and being active. Going to physio is his focus now instead of running on a marathon.
Flirting is always fun till it hits you that is that what I want and ask for? I text him on a personal side and wondering if he wants to catch up for lunch. Too bad, he had a lunch meeting to attend to. Though he asked for coffee outing, I am just not a coffee person. Surprisingly, he text me back the next day and this is where it all began.
March 23, 2012- JJ invited me to go to a Formula One concert. I was nervous and having butterflies for a few hours. I was happy and keep it to myself. Honestly, I have never felt that way for a while. Will you consider that as a date? It felt to me like 2 lonely persons going out together for the sake of boredom. We went for dinner and he sent me home. I noticed that he is quite an observer himself. JJ noticed that I was without my laptop bag and commenting on my Friday's outfit (tube dress with flip-flop). Come on, what you expect for a Friday! He was shaking his head with my attitude. When we were walking to the parking lot, I saw a friend whom I met in Florida. We keep updated ourselves on Facebook. I was shying away, but he encouraged me to go by and say hello. I did and catching up for a little while with the friend.
My observation on JJ was somehow I think it is most likely that he is such a lonely person. He keeps on his tweets and phones which annoyed me a bit. But then again, he is always by himself and it's an addiction to keep playing with the gadgets. I don't think anyone wants to be lonely all the time. I feel for him. He is a wise, smart, responsible man and like to advise from his observation. JJ is open minded and listen well too. More observation is on the way.......:)
Somehow, I didn't manage to get the job that I went in for interview last week. As my ex-colleague who was working there said, not that I am not good. But there are a few concerns such as not to interfere with the business relationship and she felt that I am good in marketing which I should be bored if I am desk-bound. Anyhow, I guess that's why I was not having such a high hope too. I didn't hurt so much when I wasn't selected as a candidate. Life must goes on too.
I should be happy with what I have. Live a simple and happy life. Life beyond my means. God has its plans all layout for me. Will JJ be a heart breaker or heart sealer? Stay tune for more........
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Oh Happy Week!
Definitely I can say that I've been having a really good week overall. Just being positive by watching my diet, exercise, keep things simple and easy and most importantly being happy in life.
There's nothing that you can take this week away from me except my sister who really makes me up and down. I can't blame her due to my uncontrollable temper.
Besides that, I'm just chilling and staying cool despite having to pay a illegal traffic summon ticket which cause me a one-day pay. What are you supposed to do when you can't find a parking when you are willing to pay?
My interview with a US MNC company went well. Yet, I do not want to have such a high hope because people tend to disappoint me. If things are meant to be mine, it will happen. Just be patient and God has its plan, the best for me.
I realized that my perception and attitude towards people, things and even vacations are not that exciting and surprising anymore. Maybe I do not want to have a high hope and being disappointed due to the history. Until I am sitting in the seat flying, then it will be a truly vacation.
I received another call from a reputable US MNC today and hopefully will hear back on any post available by next week. Sometimes, I miss working in the corporate world. But sometimes, I hate the dirty politics. Company policies that will teach me discipline, on-time and etc....
There's nothing that you can take this week away from me except my sister who really makes me up and down. I can't blame her due to my uncontrollable temper.
Besides that, I'm just chilling and staying cool despite having to pay a illegal traffic summon ticket which cause me a one-day pay. What are you supposed to do when you can't find a parking when you are willing to pay?
My interview with a US MNC company went well. Yet, I do not want to have such a high hope because people tend to disappoint me. If things are meant to be mine, it will happen. Just be patient and God has its plan, the best for me.
I realized that my perception and attitude towards people, things and even vacations are not that exciting and surprising anymore. Maybe I do not want to have a high hope and being disappointed due to the history. Until I am sitting in the seat flying, then it will be a truly vacation.
I received another call from a reputable US MNC today and hopefully will hear back on any post available by next week. Sometimes, I miss working in the corporate world. But sometimes, I hate the dirty politics. Company policies that will teach me discipline, on-time and etc....
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Calmer Me!
My morning got distracted a little bit due to waking up at 5am! I missed out on my morning workout due to this. Overall, I rate my day as 9/10. I was totally in good mood and being nice. I swear this is an amazing day despite missing someone badly. But then again, is it worth our time to keep thinking on impossibilities?
I learn to love myself more by exercising and eating right (Well, if you consider skipping meals and 1 meal a day is right thing to do). Yet, I take a lot of fruits though and drinking lots of water. I felt guilty by even consuming a sip of 100 Plus!
Jazz music really helps me today at work. Pretty tight up at work and keep myself busy. Never thought today could turnout to be such a Good Day!
Tomorrow, it's going to be a long day. I hope it's a productive one.
I learn to love myself more by exercising and eating right (Well, if you consider skipping meals and 1 meal a day is right thing to do). Yet, I take a lot of fruits though and drinking lots of water. I felt guilty by even consuming a sip of 100 Plus!
Jazz music really helps me today at work. Pretty tight up at work and keep myself busy. Never thought today could turnout to be such a Good Day!
Tomorrow, it's going to be a long day. I hope it's a productive one.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Me Day!
It's a ME Day! Rarely, I get to spend the whole day for my own good sake. As I am doing my diet along with exercising, I feel my energy is high. I won't get tired easily.
What's worse than to start your day with slightly depression. Spent an hour in the park for a walk definitely helps a lot!
I've managed to take a nap before heading out to the rest of the ME Day.It's about time to meet up with a old friend from college and catching up with our life. We had late lunch and followed by eye threading session was a good idea. I missed having a friend who I can get to go out with and having some fun.
We then head to catch up on our life. Her married life versus my single life. She is younger than me and was my junior. Her married life could be much better without the little drama from her mother in laws. I could imagine how frustrating life can be when you are treated unfairly compare to her own children. Seriously, one day she would have just blow up if her husband keep remaining silence treatment. She and I have almost the same character and we became good friends during my final year in college. We had some good moments and thus managed to bond well.
I've noticed that I'm a much calmer person now compare to before. The last time I blew up was back in Nov 2011. I realized that life is so short and so don't sweat over tiny things that can destroy your moments. Nothing is worth it to be crying over. (it's so easy for me to say) My mind needs to be in a calm and strong situation. No matter how challenging life is, you can smile it off and take it easy. Why bother stressing out for something that could not have happened and should not have happened.
After the mini- session of counseling, I head to herbal ball massage. Let's say I still prefer a traditional massage esp from mom. I miss her touch very much. I wish she's here. :(
What's worse than to start your day with slightly depression. Spent an hour in the park for a walk definitely helps a lot!
I've managed to take a nap before heading out to the rest of the ME Day.It's about time to meet up with a old friend from college and catching up with our life. We had late lunch and followed by eye threading session was a good idea. I missed having a friend who I can get to go out with and having some fun.
We then head to catch up on our life. Her married life versus my single life. She is younger than me and was my junior. Her married life could be much better without the little drama from her mother in laws. I could imagine how frustrating life can be when you are treated unfairly compare to her own children. Seriously, one day she would have just blow up if her husband keep remaining silence treatment. She and I have almost the same character and we became good friends during my final year in college. We had some good moments and thus managed to bond well.
I've noticed that I'm a much calmer person now compare to before. The last time I blew up was back in Nov 2011. I realized that life is so short and so don't sweat over tiny things that can destroy your moments. Nothing is worth it to be crying over. (it's so easy for me to say) My mind needs to be in a calm and strong situation. No matter how challenging life is, you can smile it off and take it easy. Why bother stressing out for something that could not have happened and should not have happened.
After the mini- session of counseling, I head to herbal ball massage. Let's say I still prefer a traditional massage esp from mom. I miss her touch very much. I wish she's here. :(
Heartbroken Spring
Looking back at what I've wrote really made me feel how fast time flies by. Here we are in the 3rd month of 2012. Wow! I just feel that it was just the beginning of Spring Break! But, it was the feeling 10 years ago. Damn, I'm old!
I'm not getting younger anymore and the reality to hit my 3rd decade of life would be in blink of eyes. There are so many things that I wish that could happened and there are things that I wish would not have happened.
Wish to happen
Me: Do you like me?
Z: Yes
Me: Do you enjoy my companion?
Z: Sort of, I enjoy your companion.
Me: Damn it. Either you can say yes or no. There's no sort of in this question.
Z: Yes, I enjoy your companion.
Me: But......
March 10, 2012
Me:Do you have feelings for me?
Z: Even if I do, there are a lot of barriers.
Me: Silence for a moment. I just want you to know that these rides were the highlight of my day. But things got to change. It's unhealthy for me and you.
Z: Yes, change is good.
God, please grant me the strength to go thru this. I didn't want to walk down the drama road. Your test is really challenging and I wish to excel it with rainbow colors. Keep me away from doing crazy shit and thinking.
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts," said Eleanor Roosevelt
I'm not getting younger anymore and the reality to hit my 3rd decade of life would be in blink of eyes. There are so many things that I wish that could happened and there are things that I wish would not have happened.
Wish to happen
- Be strong and more independent
- Pray harder
- Work harder
- Stop yelling/ screaming
- Be patient
- Slow down
- Listen more
- Save more money
- More vacation
- Love myself more
- Do something stupid
- Flirting with "Z"
- Crying and tearing myself
- Looking back in regret thing
Me: Do you like me?
Z: Yes
Me: Do you enjoy my companion?
Z: Sort of, I enjoy your companion.
Me: Damn it. Either you can say yes or no. There's no sort of in this question.
Z: Yes, I enjoy your companion.
Me: But......
March 10, 2012
Me:Do you have feelings for me?
Z: Even if I do, there are a lot of barriers.
Me: Silence for a moment. I just want you to know that these rides were the highlight of my day. But things got to change. It's unhealthy for me and you.
Z: Yes, change is good.
God, please grant me the strength to go thru this. I didn't want to walk down the drama road. Your test is really challenging and I wish to excel it with rainbow colors. Keep me away from doing crazy shit and thinking.
"With the new day comes new strength and new thoughts," said Eleanor Roosevelt
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