Despite having a rough few days (even today), I am just
CALM. Thank you God for guiding me to
this path. As pathetic as it sound, Friday evening spent at home alone wasn’t
so bad. There were things to keep me occupied such as planning to London. I
hope this will happen in June which is 4 weeks away.
I learn that people disappoint me for not being able to meet
my expectations. Hence, I stop thinking about it. Although I am sad, but I’m
doing good. J I
have not been so clam and peace for a while.
As much as I want to give my heart to someone, I think it’s
hard. Because there’s no one is worth it. I am learning to love myself more. As
much as I want to make people around me happy, I think it’s hard. Because they
do not feel the happiness, instead feel it’s a burden. But there’s one thing I
can do is learning to love myself more.
I do not deny that there are little tears tonight, but it
just makes me see the truth of CJ. All men are assholes including him. He makes
the decision not to call and ignore, so I can too right! God, please keep my
strength to this. In spite of making up 2 days ago, he remains the old him. I
guess there are things that won’t change and can’t change. Either you take it
or leave it situation. Being nice doesn’t mean that others can take advantage
of me, my dear! Being nice doesn’t mean that I’ll be there when you are ready
to do so. Being nice doesn’t mean that I will give you the reason to break my
heart.
I also think of Senor Jayhawk. He made the decision not to
call so why should I. It’s not a selfish act, but it’s better for both of us. I
think about how he spoilt me in his care. But all of that is part of history.
It was sweet and all. But life has to move on.
I have to. Appreciate a Friday night like this with doing
things that I love and like. Tonight, is a Wonderful Night!
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